i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
