theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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