How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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