so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
