the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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