you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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