So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
