I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
