i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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