I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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