Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
