I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You may now shotgun with the bride
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
