Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
