My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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