Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
