i need an iv and a liver transplant
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm too high and old for this...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
