Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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