When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
