I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
