My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
