Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
