I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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