my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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