Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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