think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
