WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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