I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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