For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
