I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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