I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
