am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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