dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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