You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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