I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
bring money and cleavage
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
