I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
