I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
