My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
