Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
