You're so nebulous sometimes
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
