i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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