wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The beer is more important than you right now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
