in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
