sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
