We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
