There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
