Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
