a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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