dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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