It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I could fuck to npr.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
