the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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