Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
