think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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