She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My vagina is officially offended.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
