Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Everything about him screamed your future.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize