OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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