oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
