I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
