I think i peed on brittanys purse
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think your dad took our porno
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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