I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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