why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
