I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
