just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Man, jail baloney is awful.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
