I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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