I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
