We won't sleep together?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
