no, he came in my armpit
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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