Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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