i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
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Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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